O desert strand

such a seething tyrant of desert wit
belies Gallipoli
your picture-postcard tranquil coasts
affronts with what we see
the eagle-speckled mounts of old and sandy beaches there
now lie bespeckled by machine gun pellets
they knew that we were there

chunuk-bair2the aussies, the commies the whole bloomin’ lot
were in there right from the start
yet we shipped our men dying
dying to leave
for the shores of a foreign country
but theres no greater place to proliferate your race
than right here in your own country

I chucked up at Chunuk Bair

Chunuk-Bair
There were no flags waving
machine guns were blazing
as i went ashore with me hearty old souls

And te tears that i ciried
as we flanked the west side
brought yet more tears to each of our pride

‘More fodder’ the rallying cry from the Turks
[they spoke Turkish, i think thats what they said]

there was no band in the land
that could condone or comprehend
the killing beaches that were bestowed on us

While heroes and villains befall this vile place
It was death for we bumbling minions
and if i had one, for the grace of god i would have prayed
that nobody else should be impinged on

Hitlers Little Sister

Summer twelve hour tweaking point
man i had a dreadful flight
slightly spasmodic i i was sitting next to little miss hitler
literally i felt uncomfortable in flight

like a beacon to the narrow
steel pedalled to the wheel like a speckled wheelie corn-fed hound
putting its guts out on the road and leaving the rest of us to decide what to do

She used to be Jenny Shipley
But quickly changed her name back to Hitler
Once the softening effect wore off
in the barren banks of New Orleans
How sweet the sound when the levee breaks
and it twitters out to many

Who do think is causing this war mr rasputin
simply change your name back to hitler
salt wouldn’t melt because its too hard to see

Randolph’s Red nose rooster speccing out the problem
high frequency drainfall clogging the system
Who do you think you are kidding
If you think you can trick anyone
to believe you are Hitler’s Sister

Lou Reed’s Liver

liverLou Reed’s Liver
E
I got good and bad news
Doctor said to me
I got a new liver for you
But it used to belong to Lou Reed

A
Ooh what a conundrum
To me it feels so-so humdrum
B/B7
Diggin deep into my body
Nothin ever gonna be the same
0 -2 5 0
Because I gotta make big decision
Poison or life my wife or a knife
I’m just a sorcerers apprentice
Not a simpering kneeling praying mantis

Middle 8 am/d/g/em (b7)
One day u got to decide whether to
Love her or leave her
Now it’s up to u
Are u a dier or a liver

And you may find that you
Can never leave her
You get the prize you get
Lou reed’s liver
Lou reed’s liver…

Here be munsters

Herr manYeah yeah yeah herr munster
gurning on your gurney like a puppet on a string
grinning like a brass babboon
it don’t mean a thing if it aint swinging like a a carrot

tell me if i gone too far
scratch my back with a loofah
tell me when i start to twitch
sponegebob bathtoys making me itch

herr hernan yo define positivity
the ugliest creature in humanity
anyone who had a heart
would see how heartless humanity can be

Herr Herman, your impudence knows no bounds
Dear Prudence, impudent humans

Turn back time

very messi
very messi

If i could turn back time I wouldn’t
I’d buy a sugarbean and sit it out
On a moonbeam, cinders glow like glow worms
glowering smouldering scowling – glowing

as i said earlier. towering under a cantilever
taking a whizz round the back
man i so need a whizz
the buzzard of whizz

tin can allies spinning their webs in the dark
try harder you eight legged spindly freak
a suckling pig curls its tail like a little boys willie
into a half nelson

if i could turn back time i wouldn’t
i like its forward arrow too much
the agony and the entropy
once more down to the beach rode the 500

the horses screeching tyres –
god, what a mess
people, people who need people
are losers nonetheless

Free Air

airPumpinĀ  gas into the vehicle
clock tickin over the rate is maniacal

fearing is ambivalent
some feelings are transient
some are just art
‘xcuse me while i piss in the dark

do you understand?
Dirty Old Town, Sainsberry’s jeweIl
was made for loving
ripe to the quick, sentimental, fool style

yes sir, my aunt was due to arrive at 6:50
and i was sent to meet her
oh what a sentimental web we weave
when we wobble aimlessly through the leaves

dub dub dub, who do you love
nub nub nub who you nubbing lately chump?
donald trump or a southern piss-ant
queer as mules with a loose-leaf meusli piquant

she leaves springshells in her wake
godess on a mountaintop
steely-eyed peel on a bare-assed rope
stinging lik a whip-ass monster in Rome

When in Rome do as the Munsters do
With the animals, two by two
hit em with your best shot
a short length of four by two

fire away
can you guess what it is yet?